Letting family know

Once we got home from the ENT appointment we started making calls. I should say Colby started making calls. I couldn't call anyone. I couldn't tell anyone. I immediately went into survival mode, and wanted to protect everyone. I didn't want anyone else to have to deal with this. Colby on the other hand needed to call people. He needed to let people know. The first person he called was Dave. He needed to let him know he wouldn't be back to work for the day and told him about the tumor. While I ran into the store Colby called Kent and talked to him about calling Dr. Reichman. He told him what was going on and I'm sure he called Sherie and the rest of their family. It was Janet's birthday and I remember telling Colby as soon as we got to the car that he couldn't call her. It would ruin her day. I knew she needed to know, but I just couldn't let him call her just yet. Once we got home we sat out front on the bench just crying. After a little while Colby said he needed to call his parents, and if I wasn't going to let him then I had to. And that wasn't going to happen, so I had to let him. Our neighbor Erika pulled up and once she saw me she knew it was bad. We'd had a little neighborhood bbq the night before and I was telling her how Colby was convinced he had an annuerism. I sometimes think he over analyzes things and brushed off his thoughts. Erika's husband has a brain tumor. He's living with it. Dr. Reichman did his surgery 4 years ago, he underwent Chemo, finished medical school and is living with his tumor. But for her, I'm sure it brought every emotion they felt right back. She was a mess. 
Thursday, the day we found out the results, was the last day of school. On the way over to the school I just cried and cried. I knew I needed to get it out before I picked up the boys. I thought I had myself under control, and when I pulled up to the school I lost it again. I was so afraid of letting them know. I went into the office and couldn't talk to any of the secretaries, which is not normal. I usually sit in there for a minute and chit chat. I saw Cutler in the hall and told him to make sure he had everything and I was going to get Noah. When I got to his class I sat and talked to Mr. Prince for a little bit. He was my 3rd grade teacher. My favorite year of elementary school!! He just cried to me about not having Noah in his class anymore, and how much he just loved him. I bawled. I had lots of things going through my mind, but I didn't want him to know. We all cried, even Noah was sad to not be in his class anymore. I got a couple of pictures of the two of them and we left. I couldn't tell the kids yet. I got them home and Colby took them to the pool. 

After a few hours I sent a text to my family letting them know what was going on. I got a couple of immediate responses, texts, phone calls. It took a couple of hours but my dad sent me a text that hit my heart and made it hurt. Mostly for him! He told me he hadn't text or called me because he was having such a hard time with the news. He hit his knees when he read my text, he cried and he prayed for us. He wanted me to know he loves us and to know that our Heavenly Father loves us too. I responded to him and let him know that I totally understood and it was ok. I called Makayla to see if we could bring our kids up there. I didn't know what to do with our kids. I hate putting people out, and not that we would be doing that, but more than anything, I hate asking for help. This journey is going to change that. 
Once we got the call from Reichman and we knew we needed to leave, Colby called my dad and asked him to come give him a blessing. My parents were at my house in no time. They are amazing. They are so supportive. Their hearts hurt too. That's exactly what I didn't want to happen, I wanted to protect everyone, but it's not possible. I need them to hurt, feel sad, mad, angry, and whatever else, so that they can be here for us.