Saturday night when we were sitting down for family prayer, Noah whispered something to Colby. Wanting to make sure he heard him right, he asked him to repeat his question. Noah did, and Colby told him they would talk about it another time. I asked what was up, and Colby just kind of shrugged it off. After prayers, I left and went in to put Lexie to bed and could hear Colby tell Noah not to worry about it tonight, and Noah crying. Once we were both out watching tv Colby told me what was going on.
Noah asked him "how did mommy Natalie die?" ---What??!! Where did this come from? Did someone say something to him? Was someone asking him questions? We couldn't figure out where it came from. Noah had been playing with friends for 2 days straight, and none of them ever say anything. Kids don't worry about that kind of stuff.
Colby was worried about what he should say, and how. He has dreaded this day for-ever! More than anything, Colby is worried that as Noah gets older he's going to start turning on me - persay, and saying I'm not his mom, and stuff like that. I on the other hand, am not worried about that.
Sunday came and went and nothing was said about it...at all. Colby had taken the kids in the morning while I was getting ready for church, and when they came back I thought for sure they would have had the talk. But, no. So I told him, "it sounds like you've got FHE tomorrow night."
Monday some things happened that got me upset, and I felt like Colby kept finding things to do to get out of FHE. He was planting a garden, mowing the lawn, things that could have waited for the next day. I started getting kids in the bath and ready for bed...it was getting that time. We put our kids to bed at 8:00, at 7:35 Colby told everyone to come in for FHE. I was happy, and bugged. I was extremely interested in how this was going to go, and how Noah was going to take it all in. Colby did a very good job at explaining, in child's words, and a brief anatomy lesson, what happened. Noah just sat there, his big brown eyes stuck on Colby, taking it all in. I can only imagine what his little brain was trying to do to understand all of this.
The most important thing that came from all of this was that we are sealed as a family for all eternity. Noah will be baptized this year, and we explained to him the importance of obeying the commandments, and making the right choices so that we will all be together forever. I did ask Noah if he was sad about this, and he started crying. I'm sure there's a bond there that maybe he still feels, I don't doubt that. He knows Natalie is his mom, that she loves him, and that she watches over him and our family every single day. I asked him if he remembers her, he said yes. But he couldn't say what he remembers about her. I'm not trying to discredit anything here, so please don't get that from me. So I asked him if he remembers her as his mom, or knows that because we have told him that. He said the latter. We have tried, I have tried, to always remind him of her. I am not here to take her place. Just take care of her son on earth, until they can be together again. I think it's important for Noah to know her, and know things about her, which is why we stay close to her family (plus we love you guys!!), take him to the cemetary, and celebrate certain days of the year that have to do with her, without going overboard. He's young, he doesn't quite get it all, but is getting there. I have a feeling that with his baptism later this year, there will be some great spiritual experiences to follow for him, if we continue to teach him the importance of having the gospel in our lives, and if he chooses to follow.
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